At first, I struggled just to accept that I'd actually had my day's plans changed at the last minute, and that was the day/night I crashed. I kept telling myself, “If only my plans hadn't changed.” I replayed that timing over and over, caught in the endless loop of how easily things could have gone differently.
Once the physical recovery ended, life carried on. At first, I don't think I really understood what it had changed in me. I just plodded along, got on with things and carried the experience with me without really looking too deeply into it.
It was only after another loss, years later, that I started looking inward again.
That was when I found my way back to music—something that had always been a huge part of my life, but that I had left behind somewhere along the way. And somewhere between writing, creating and trying to put feelings into words, I found a way of expressing things that I hadn't really known how to say.
Looking back through that process, I began to understand something about the person I was before the accident.
I really was moving too fast.
Not necessarily physically. I mean through life. Always thinking ahead. Always onto the next thing. Running on autopilot, chasing time, rarely stopping long enough to ask myself whether I was actually enjoying where I was or even looking at where I was going.
The accident became a turning point, but I didn't fully understand that turning point until years later.
That's what Before the Turning is about.
It's about looking back at the person you were before something changed you. It's about the things we take for granted while we're busy getting through life. And it's also a message to anyone who recognises themselves in that feeling of constantly rushing, constantly thinking, constantly moving on to the next thing.
Don't wait for something to make you stop.
Stop sometimes. Look around. Look inward. Notice your life while you're actually living it.
Because you don't always get to choose when the turning comes.
And by the time you realise you were moving too fast, it might already be too late.